To Be Loved

Relationships are hard. 

I’m not talking about any specific type of relationship — between friends, family, colleagues, or partners — all of them are hard. 

I have an especially hard time with relationships. Most of them haven’t lasted very long, and I spend way too much time wondering if it’s me.

I have spent most of my life questioning myself. Maybe if I was nicer, funnier, more laid back, less emotional, and not so rude. If I was less like me, my family would accept me, those friends wouldn’t have vanished, and I wouldn’t have been fired. 

Maybe if I was less like me, I would be worthy — worthy of grace, forgiveness, and the hard work that goes into relationships. 

I invested so much time trying to be loved by people who didn’t care. I was obsessed with those who wanted to either control, manipulate, or abuse me; they preferred to avoid me than have an honest conversation.

I realized I’d been so overwhelmingly focused on all the people that gave up on me, I forgot to acknowledge all the people that have stayed. 

I truly am a person entirely stitched together by flaws, just trying not to fail miserably. And I am so thankful for the people in my life that still believe I am beautiful.

I am thankful for the people who have seen me at my worse and are still there to celebrate my accomplishments. I am thankful for the people who still make time for me after a long week or when on a short vacation. For the people who keep calling my phone even though I so rarely answer. For the people who have been hurt by me but still choose to love me. 

These are the people that deserve my energy. 

Relationships do require work and anyone that says otherwise is lying. We have to make time for people, we need to be there in rough times, and we will get hurt in the process. But most people are worth it.

And you are worth it.

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One thought on “To Be Loved

  1. One day you will realize that it is all about you, loving your own self, in your own skin. I spent the greater part of my life trying to get people to love me, to gain the love of others, platonic, and other wise, family and friends. I spent an immeasurable amount of time and money buying peoples love and in the end the time and money ran out and i was still left in the cold. what you wrote resonates deeply within me. You could say we have that in common. And no… its not you….. its just that you are a strong individual just wanting to be loved the way you want to be loved.

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